Introducing Corinne

I just had my third baby and I'm turning 30 this year. I weigh 250lbs and I don't want to. Ironically, it isn't "baby weight" at least not directly. I weighed 220 when I was 22, before I had my first baby. During each of my pregnancies I have lost 20 to 30 pounds from being so sick, but afterwards I quickly gained it all back and then some. A year ago I weighed the most I ever have at 285lbs.

I have so many things I blame for the weight. Pregnancy sickness made my muscles atrophy. Pregnancy sickness messed up my relationship with food and cooking. I can trace clear signs of food addiction all the way back to when I was 15.  "Postpartum depression" is the latest culprit, giving me chronic pain and low motivation.

The solution is supposed to be diet and exercise.  Well, I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm sad. I eat when I'm lonely, I eat when I'm enjoying time with friends. I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm busy. Each of these times I'm describing bad food choices, by the way, I really can't think of any occasion when I make good food choices.

My body hurts too. Is it depression? Excess weight? Regular aging? Arthritis? Fibromyalgia? Cancer? I become such a hypochondriac when I think about it too much. Where does it hurt? Knees, low back, upper back, hands, feet, hips, shoulders, elbows, ankles, and ribs.  All this pain is exhausting and discouraging. How can a person persist in exercising while feeling this way?

I feel so typical in my situation it's disgusting. But documenting "my journey" with a blog sounds...fun? No cliche? No, just helpful. And I need all of the help I can get.

(This is me two months ago, the day before giving birth)